Secret Keeper

I am a secret keeper
Because I go deeper
People trust me
Because they can
I’m compassionate
I’m considerate
Trust me; go ahead…
Tell me what’s in your head
Get it off your chest
I’ll be the best
Confidant you’ll ever know
I’ll hold on and never let go
Come to me when you’re in need
Tell me if you need to bleed
I’ll be your tourniquet
Trust me; I’ll never forget
In many cases I can relate
Fought with destiny, accepted fate
But still strive to achieve
Everything that I believe
So tell me what you believe
Tell me what you hope to achieve
I’ll be there to celebrate
When you realize your fate
Or be your crying shoulder
When your days grow colder
Trust me. Believe me
It’s okay to need me
It’s what I live for
Tell me your secrets
I’ll keep them.
Trust me.

Just The Messenger

Just the messenger

Generally my poetry is dark

But it’s only in attempts to spark

A little realization in you’re mind

To show you truths that are hard to find

I’m not a morbid person at all

I haven’t exactly tried to fall

In with the crowd

I’m not very loud

Sometimes I can be reserved

But I don’t want my image to be preserved

As one of a morbid and sinister person

Granted I can be both of these things and that’s certain

However there’s so much more that I don’t show

It’s not that I don’t want you to know

It’s just that a poets soul is a dark web of deciet

Often times people misquote and mistreat

The people who write poetry

Only because they can’t see

What we go through, they don’t understand

We don’t like to have someone guiding our hand

Writing is an escape from the trechories the day has brought

I am a poet incase you forgot

I’ve got so many secrets that often times bury me

And no, I really don’t need you to carry me

I write some of my best work when I’m sad

And some of my poems are really quite mad

But that’s just the side of me that has inspiration

There’s a whole other side to me that’s sometimes on a vacation

It’s hard to write when you’re happy, you know

Happiness is a feeling you just have to show

You can’t really express it in words

It’s just got to be seen rather than heard

But I don’t want you for a second to think

That I’m ever actually on the brink

Of taking my own life or just giving up hope

Because I’m so much stronger than that and I’m able to cope

With the things that life throws at me on a daily basis

Sometimes there’s got to be a little rain

Before the sun can come out again

But when the rain passes and the sun shines out bright

That’s when I know that everything will be alright

So when you read my poetry and it’s dark and it’s deep

I want there to be one image that you forever will keep

And that is of me with a smile on my face

Releasing my anger in the safest possible place

Through a pen onto a blank sheet of paper

I don’t take it out on anyone

Isn’t that the safest way?

Remember when you think that I’m crazy

I’m really just exposing hidden truths

From tortured souls of injured youths

Too scared to reveal their scars to the world

I’m just the poet, just the messenger

I hope you’re listening

The Greatest Loss

The Greatest Loss

She’s awakened by the sickness
Thankful no one is there to witness
She knows people are getting suspicious
She tries to act like it’s just fictitious
Deep down she’s terrified but happy too
She’s not quite sure what to do
She hasn’t even told him yet
She knows he’ll voice his regrets
Say they’re too young, that he doesn’t want to do it
She’ll beg him to please just see her through it
They’ll fight, she’ll cry, she’ll beg for understanding
She knows her life is too demanding
To handle anything like this right now
But she just doesn’t understand how
Something so precious, so full of life
Can cause someone so much pain, so much strife
She knows in her heart that she’ll love nothing more
She knows that this is worth fighting for
But she can’t tell him yet, she thinks it’s too soon
But by the day she’s swelling like a balloon
And he’s getting suspicious, asking her when
She’ll be visited by her friend again
She shakes off the questions, pretends she doesn’t hear
Tells him it’s just been a stressful year
Things have been off, she just can’t be sure
He asks if there is any sort of a cure
She laughs inside because he just doesn’t understand
Then she takes him by the hand
Asks him to just hold her for a while
And he’ll do it and he’ll be wearing a smile
And she’s in the clear for another day
She has more time to think of what to say
She plans to tell him very soon
But that morning she wakes up in their room
In more pain than she’s ever known
She cries out, remembers she’s not alone
She feels him starting to awake
She knows that screaming was a mistake
She doesn’t know what this pain’s about
She holds back another shout
Starts to feel nauseas and tries to stand
Everything goes black and she falls on her hand
He’s worried now, asking if she’s okay
She shakes her head no but stands up again anyway
Once again things start to go black
She thinks she knows the reason for this attack
When the room comes back in focus
She heads toward the bathroom door
She closes it behind her and collapses to the floor
She’s in so much pain that she can hardly breathe
She knows she’s losing what she did conceive
She’s bleeding now and shaking too
She doesn’t know what to do
She gets in the bathtub hoping the heat with soothe the pain
She doesn’t want to have to complain
Because he didn’t even know
And she doesn’t want to show
So she stays and suffers quietly in the bath
Wondering why god chose now to display his wrath
And after an hour of soaking in pain
She tries to stand up once again
And again she falls to the floor
And starts to crawl towards the door.
She carefully stands up and heads back to the bed
So many thoughts running through her head
She lays back down in agony
Listens to his worried plea
To just tell him what is going on
Why she was gone for so long
Why she looks like she hurts so much
Why she won’t let him touch
Hours pass and he just holds on to her
She drifts in and out of consciousness and just isn’t sure
What’s imagination and what’s actually real
She can’t even being to describe the pain that she feels
But after several hours of agonizing pain
She starts to feel stronger once again
She can finally stand and slowly walk
He asks her if she wants to talk
She says no, it has passed, I’ll be fine.
She wishes she could go back in time
And just tell him from the very start
So that someone else could share her broken heart
She continues to suffer silently for about a week
And through all this suffering she knows she must speak
With him, to tell him what really happened that day
But she just doesn’t know exactly what to say
She just starts crying in his arms one night
He asks her if everything is alright.
She sobs and shakes her head and tells him it’s not
There’s something that she knows that she’s got
To just tell him, because he deserves to know
She tries to pull away but he won’t let her go
She cries even harder and starts to speak
Asks if he remembers that morning she awoke from her sleep
He says that he does, asks what all this is about
She suddenly starts to feel some doubt
Maybe she shouldn’t tell him, he doesn’t have to know
But it’s too late to go back, she might as well finish this show
She cries harder than ever and closes her eyes
“We were gonna have a baby” she finally replies
He looks at her in disbelief
And then he sighs with relief
“Gonna? But we’re not anymore?”
“No, I lost it.” He says, “are you sure”
She cries even harder tries to explain
All the while he tries to maintain
A level of composure, but he can’t help but ask
Why she didn’t tell him if she was so sure
She said that she just didn’t want him to blame her
He said it wasn’t her fault and held on to her tight
Whispered that everything would be alright
But he just didn’t understand what this had cost
She had experienced , by far, the greatest loss.

Losing Salvation: Part 1

Losing Salvation

Part One:
Utopia Discovered

Well I’d lost myself
Guess it’d been about two years
And I’d given up, basically
Didn’t really try to socialize
Because I didn’t really see the point
I did get the occasional letter
From an old friend
Who’d lost her self too
And one day her letter was different
Her script was less dismal
Her words full of cheer
And it was about this new life
A place she’d stumbled across
A small commune with thirteen houses
A secret place she said, but they welcomed her
And the people all lived together
Worked for each other
She said they were lost too
But together they found a purpose
And now she didn’t feel so lost
Because she moved in with them
And she even said she’d fallen in love
With one of the men
And I guess she’d talked about me
Because she said I’d been invited
But I shouldn’t tell anyone
She left a PO Box for me to respond
If I wanted to come
If I wanted to be happy again
And I decided, what the hell
Because anything had to be better
Than being numb
So I wrote back accepting
And the next letter told me to meet her
For coffee in some quaint little shop
And she said I needn’t pack a bag
Because I was gonna start over
Kinda like being born again
So I met her, and she did look wonderful
Happiest I’ve seen anyone, truthfully
And we went in secret to this new life
She took me to a dirt road off one of the main ones
Pretty overgrown with shrubbery
And I was thinking to myself
This doesn’t look very promising
But about two miles up, the road turned paved
And I saw two little wells
And I never saw a real life well before
Only in old movies
And after a few more minutes
We came upon a beautiful little place
With modern looking houses
All raised ranch style
And they all looked basically the same
But for mirror images and different paint
And they were pretty close together
Built in clusters, in three different cul-de-sacs
And there was one house built off to the side
And it was the most beautiful of them all
And behind one of the clusters was a golden field
And the islands were all beautifully landscaped
With deep green grass and flowers
I’d never seen anything so beautiful
And there were children playing in the field
Women hanging wash up on clotheslines
Men trimming the bushes
And I thought to myself
This place is perfect
And I walked with my friend
To the lone house on the side
And we walked in
And there was a group of people chatting over tea
And my friend introduced me
And I never felt as important
As I did in that moment
Because everyone welcomed me
Hugged and kissed me
Offered me tea and told me
Wonderful stories about their new lives
And I didn’t need and convincing
I knew I wanted everything they had to offer
Because they were offering more than
A quaint little neighborhood
They were offering love and happiness