Follow the Journey…

I had to do a “Photo Story” in my photography class. At the time of the assignment, my Meme was just starting her downward spiral. We had spent the week in the hospital with her and then they decided to move her back to the nursing home. I started the Photo Story right after she returned to the nursing home. It ended this past Saturday with her burial.

You can view it [Here]… but I have to tell you, these pictures do no justice to how much love is actually present. AND, I would have had more pictures, but I accidentally deleted them off my camera before I saved them.

Hidden Treasures

I stumbled across this several months ago and framed it.

It’s been on display in my room ever since.

I had forgotten about it until I was hanging some new pictures today.

My Meme made this for me while she was in Florida four or five years ago.

I never knew how much it would mean to me.

Believe it.

Believe it or not, it has been over a week since we learned that my Meme was dying. Initially they told us she would live no more than 2 days.

I spent 6 days at the hospital with her.

On the seventh day, they moved her back to the nursing home.

Yesterday, she was sitting up in a wheelchair.

The doctor who made the diagnosis called my mom yesterday to tell her that it is a miracle that she’s still here. He was going through the case to see when she died, and was amazed to find out she was not only still alive, but that she was moved back to the nursing home.

The prognosis has not changed, she’s still going to die (…but we all do someday). They just forgot to factor in her strong will.

If a miracle were to happen to anyone, of course it would be my Meme.

Sorry, Heaven, She’s not ready for you just yet.

Third Day.

Third day spent at the hospital.

Right now she’s sitting up and sucking chicken broth out of one of those sponge-straw things. It’s really amazing that she’s so strong, she actually seems to be doing better than she was the day she came in.

I can’t help but feeling that it’s false hope though, because even though she’s doing well, I know she’s not going to be leaving the hospital this time.

But as the majority of this side of the family sits in a circle around her, we’re all feeling that same sense of amazement that she’s still so strong despite everything. And even though I haven’t vocally expressed the fact that I would be 0% surprised if she actually got better, I know I’m not alone because a few other people have said it aloud. (Of course, we’re not naive, we understand that the chances of that happening are .00001% )

But even now she’s still amazing us. Staying Strong.

Saying Goodbye to an Amazing Woman

It’s 1:37 AM and I just got home from the hospital. My Meme, one of the most amazing women I have ever had the privilege to know, is dying.

A 5:00 AM phone call yesterday from the nursing home she’s been living at for the past month and a half informed us that she was being taken to the hospital.

A 10:00 AM phone call from my mom told me that her white count was extremely high but they didn’t know much else.

A 6:00 PM phone call from my mom informed me that Meme was not going to make it and that we all needed to come to the hospital ASAP.

Each hug of consolation was like popping an emotional balloon, a trigger for a fountain of tears. Watching her lying helplessly in that hospital bed is an image that will forever haunt me.

The priest came and prayed while all of us cried silently.

It took everything I had to leave that hospital, because as much as I hate seeing her like that, I hated leaving her just as much. But alas, I have to be at work in less than 5 hours. I don’t really think I’m going to be able to keep it together, knowing that I could be serving someone their coffee or selling a lottery ticket while my Meme takes her last breath.

I can’t even sleep because every time I close my eyes I have visions of her singing me to sleep as a child, and of course that triggers the tears.

I will post an In Memory post when the hour does come, but in the mean time I’ll be here, remembering all the good times, and feeling sorry for myself. She will never get to see my wedding, hold my child, sing me to sleep…

I love you Meme. Thank you for everything you’ve ever done. You’re truly an Amazing Woman.