Without You Here
I cannot find the words to write
Words aren’t going to make it alright
But writing, well, that’s what I do
I know it’s what you did, too.
We wrote together for years
Shared our secrets, shared our fears
Talked about life and talked about love
Talked about whether there was something above
You sometimes said that you believed it was true
Other times you said it was just how people remembered you
Well from the bottom of my heart I want you to know
That even though I wasn’t ready to let you go
I remember you with only the fondest of memories
I hope that now everyone sees
How absolutely wonderful you truly are
And even though you’re gone, you’re never far
As long as I keep you in my heart
You take up such a huge part
I promise you’ll be born again in my first son
And he’ll always know that he’s the one
Who was named after my very best friend
He’ll grow up feeling as though he knew you
Because he’ll hear the stories. He’ll see the pictures.
He’ll know just how special he is
Just how special you are
Goodbye is only temporary, I know
But I’m not ready to let you go
I’m not ready to say goodbye
I wasn’t expecting you to die
We had so many plans, things to do
Am I supposed to do them now without you?
I miss you more than words can say
And I anxiously await the day
That I’ll see you again
That you’ll smile and say, “I missed you, friend.”
I want you to know that I intend
To live my life fully until the end
Even though right now it doesn’t feel right
I promise every day I’m going to fight
To be the very best I can be
You had so many dreams for me
I promise I’m going to do whatever it takes
I promise to learn from my mistakes
I promise I’m going to make you proud
I say it in silence and I scream it aloud
I don’t understand why it had to be you
There was so much you wanted to do
Like publish the book you wanted to write
Find all the constellations in the sky one night
Teach your son how to throw a ball
Hold your daughter while she was small
You were supposed to be there when I got married
You were supposed to have carried
My children in your arms as they smiled
You were supposed to be the godfather of my child
To make it easier I sometimes pretend
That, in fact, your life didn’t end
That you’re just on vacation, fulfilling your dreams
Soaking up sunlight and sketching streams
Watching the birds fly overhead
I can’t accept that you’re really dead
But you deserved better than the life you got
And I know that even though you’re not
Physically here anymore, you’re still in my heart
It’s just that I don’t know where to start
To begin living my life again
Without you here, my very best friend.
K.M.
3-6/7-11
Tags: Death, Dreams, dying, friendship, future, grief, Life, love, past, Poetry, Writing
